By David Nour 

“Hi David – It’s good to hear from you and of the completion of your latest book.  After checking with my bosses I’m going to have to decline your request.  They don’t want me, or anyone else in the firm, endorsing others products including books. Best wishes on the release.”

That’s an email that you don’t expect to receive.  As many of you know, I’ve been working on the release of my 4th commercial book, Return on Impact – Leadership Strategies for the Age of Connected Relationships (ASAE, 2012).  As it’s customary, I’ve reached out to a dozen or so current and past clients with key insights about the book and have asked them for endorsements / testimonials of our work together.  Here are just two kind ones:

“In Relationship Economics, David Nour articulated the strategic value of business relationships.  In Return on Impact, he forces the reader to question what value they are really adding and how to measure the impact of social as a business enabler on those strategic relationships.”  – Randy Seidl, SVP & GM Americas – Hewlett-Packard Enterprise Servers, Storage, & Networking

“David Nour spoke to our leadership and board and without question, they chose to think and lead differently than our industry counterparts shortly after his session.  If you’re trying to help your organization get beyond reactive social media, Return On Impact is your roadmap to a more strategic approach to social.” – Barbara Springer, General Counsel & Vice President Administration – Delta Dental of Colorado

By David Nour

“You’re smart but you’re abrasive,” or “there was a definite discomfort with you,” or “your tone and language came across as condescending or dismissive” are all very difficult comments for anyone to hear.  After all, we’re social creatures – as much as we tell ourselves otherwise, we want to be liked, accepted, embraced, and appreciated.  That’s where professional maturity and the growing edge in each of us come out.

When someone you really respect takes the time to provide you candid insights on how your signals are being received – regardless of the intent in which they’re being sent – that’s NOT the time to get defensive or feel like you have to prove something.  That’s exactly the right time to listen – really listen to what they’re saying, ask for evidence in observable behavior, and be humble enough to ask for help in overcoming that particular shortcoming.  We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t make mistakes and since behavior is consistent, the only place to go in business relationships when you receive the gift of candor, is up!

“Thank you for bringing that to my attention – I wasn’t aware that’s how I was projecting my position,” is a great next conversation.  “Any suggestions on how I can improve my demeanor in this specific area?”  Now you’re open and willing to listen, really hear, and internalize the recommendations:

By David Nour

When variety goes up, sales may go up a little, but profits often go down.  Conversely, when variety goes down, sales may go down a little, but profits often go way up!  Voilà…

This idea applies to competing priorities as well. Another client of ours reduced the number of improvement projects to a few that people agreed were the real priorities.  In six months, they delivered more benefit to the organization than in the previous two years.

So, how do you focus on the most compelling / pressing opportunities?  How do you maintain and accelerate all three attributes of growth (slope, speed, and profitability)?  Listen to your portfolio of relationships – that’s where Adaptive Innovation™ comes in.  Adaptive Innovation is creating a repeatable, predictable process for doing things differently (true innovation) and not simply better (incrementalism mentioned earlier), through building strong, diverse and value-based relationships in the market into “signal scouts,” who have a vested interest in your success. Ideally, they will share faint signals from key trends in the market with you on a consistent basis; combined with your ability to understand you can act quickly on these trends.

By David Nour

Over the years, I’ve been blessed with a great lifestyle from and around the technology field. From ComputerLand in the 1980s to Silicon Graphics in the 1990s and SaaS (Software as a Service) applications since 2000, I’ve seen the amazing evolution of a multitude of information technology advances. They were all introduced with the intentions of helping us share not just data, but insights, and as a way to collaborate around global best practices and optimize the manner in which we get things done. Although I’m passionate about technology (as evidenced by the purchase of my sixth Blackberry device in the past 12 years), I fear that technology is in many ways contributing to our societal disconnect. Walk into any Starbucks location and it’s filled with people, all heads down working on their laptops or mobile devices, in an environment ideally suited for engaging others. If we can have very productive virtual meetings on Second Life, why can’t we take the time to engage one another in person?

If text messaging is defining your relationships with others, how will you ever really get to know and engage them beyond the cryptic, twenty-first-century version of hieroglyphics?

By David Nour

Being your real self in the workplace with Relationship Building does not mean blatant spontaneity. Most important is the sense of appropriateness and timing that makes such openness acceptable. It involves, first of all, keeping close track of how you’re feeling from moment to moment, and only then sharing your feelings in the context that can benefit from such sharing. There is indeed a fine line between dissembling your emotions to fit into the context on the one hand, and having the courage to share what you truly feel even though it may not find instant understanding and acceptance. If your intent is to be of service to others, then the intimate sharing of what may not immediately find acceptance will, in the long run, stand you in good stead, as the judgment you reveal becomes respected over time.

Adolescent Relationship Building

The skill of gaining over total emotional spontaneity grows over the span of the elementary school years. By adolescence, this skill is finely tuned. Social acceptance is so critical at this stage that emotional dissembling becomes the modus operandi of social success. Children who fail at this social skill may end up friendless and marginalized. If Nancy fails to curb her short temper and bossy demands, she may be ostracized by her peers. If Peter cowers at the prospect of confronting those who tease or harass him, he may lose face in his group and be seen as an outsider.

By David Nour

One of the best exercises conducted over the years involving emotional intelligence consists of asking participants to differentiate between good and bad bosses. No matter where this question is asked, the answers are very similar. Bad bosses are described as being self-centered and arrogant and acting like bullies. Good bosses are invariably described as being good listeners and sensitive to others’ feelings and demonstrating democratic values. According to Tom Rath, author of Vital Friends, in an article from Performance, “These great managers care about each of their employees as a real human being, not just as a means to an end.”

A good coach, in our experience, raises the morale of the team by showing confidence in team spirit, specifically by sticking to his or her lineup even when there may be occasional losses.

A poor coach, on the other hand, punishes players by benching them when they perform poorly. Such players always have failure on their minds because they know they’ll be singled out as soon as they make a mistake. They may perform well for a while, but when the pressure builds they tend to fold.

By David Nour

There is a clear distinction between problem solving and real change management. Problem solving is fixing things. As you can see in the diagram to the right, if you start with the status quo, something happens to create a less-than-desired state. When you fix that issue and return the situation back to its previous status quo state, you’ve resolved the problem. Fix it a little better and you have resolution plus.

Conversely, as you can see in the diagram to the left, in real change management, if you start with the same status quo, a pulse point of change elevates the situation/the expected norm to a new height of performance, expectations, execution, or results. If you develop a culture that constantly creates these pulse points, now you have constantly enhanced positions—you’re constantly raising the bar on your own as well as the team’s or organization’s growth.

Presentation by David Nour of Relationship Economics on the power of Mobile Media for PMPs

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