By Jeff Justice, CSP

My article last month was about developing a “We’ll See” attitude. Some people add to the stress in their lives by developing an attachment to the outcome they desire instead of an intent toward that outcome. In other words, their happiness is always tied to specific happenings.

Living with intent instead of attachment helps me find balance in life. It helps me avoid getting trapped in the emotional roller coaster of highs and lows. If we live for life’s highs, we tend to “die” in the lows, too. When we find a balance, it doesn’t mean we fail to be get excited by life — it means we don’t fall into the deception of depending on certain outcomes to find enjoyment in our lives.

“Maya”is an expression used in India that means illusion. In other words, life isn’t as it appears. I try to practice this philosophy and remember that I am always learning — whenever I think I have it all figured out, I get tested. I am always working to perfect this practice in my own life.

It’s not that I have a “que sera sera” (whatever will be, will be) attitude. My desire is firm and I know what I want. There’s a saying that you should set goals in cement but write your plans in sand. The stress factor grows the more we set our plans in cement — how we are going to do it becoming more important than what we are going to do. This is the danger of attachment.

By Jeff Justice, CSP

When I conduct courses leading to Continuing Education Units (CEUs), we take some time to understand personality styles. It’s amazing how many of us have been twisted into pretzel shapes, trying to fit into jobs and situations that don’t use our strengths and emphasize our weaknesses. We really can get ourselves into situations where we don’t fit, and sometimes our bodies try to tell us what our minds can’t hear.

I got married for the first time right out of college, just 23 years old. Well, I figured, I’ve already experienced everything that life has to offer, so why not? I was an idiot, married to a wonderful woman, but we were just too young to know. The week after we got married, I was brushing my hair and noticed a spot about the size of an eraser where my hair was gone. I remember thinking, “Boy, that must have been some bachelor party!” The spot started growing, and the next week, it was as big as a nickel. Within a month, it was the size of a silver dollar — not even peach fuzz on it! Then another spot appeared on the side of my head. And then a couple at the back and on the other side. My friends started calling me “Spot!” I didn’t know what it was — male pattern baldness, little aliens making crop circles all over my head?

By Jeff Justice, CSP

A few years after my divorce, I got involved in a business partnership that grew into the largest chain of magic shops in the world — probably the universe! I was lucky because I was able to get out just before it started making money. My partner had been really jerking me around, and I had decided that my entire future depended on breaking up the partnership at the lawyer’s office on this day at this time, and me getting my check so my life could unfold from there.

My partner somehow knew that, too. Each of us has someone who knows where our buttons are. They know just what to say or do to set you off. And sure enough, the night before our meeting, he called me and said, “It’s really supposed to be a nice day tomorrow. I think I’d like to get in some golf. Let’s move the meeting to next Monday.” He got me again! It felt like somebody took a knife and jammed it into my stomach. I bent over in pain. I was so angry, if he had been in the room, I would have hurt him, maybe killed him.

I hung up the phone with shortness of breath and pain in my stomach. I looked down — no knife was sticking out of my stomach — what could be causing this excruciating pain? I finally realized…it was me! I was letting all this happen to me. I was the one causing it by giving him permission! Do you think it bothered him that my stomach was killing me? If he had known, he would have thought, “Okay! Great!” That was the last time in my life I’ve ever let someone else really control my reactions. Okay — that was before I had kids! 

By Jeff Justice, CSP

There was a country-western song about looking for love in all the wrong places. There’s almost no bad place to look for laughs. The workplace is stressful and a great place to catch people doing something good — most of the time, managers look to catch them doing something wrong.

I spoke at a meeting and during the break I was getting a drink of water outside. One employee told me, “Doing a good job around this place is like wetting your pants in a dark suit. It gives you a nice, warm feeling, but nobody else seems to notice!”

I got it right this time, marrying Diane, who has a great sense of humor. We got married later in life, and she sent out wedding invitations under her mom’s name: “Ms. Patricia Byron Pfeifer finally announces….” On our honeymoon my curiosity got the best of me. I said to Diane, “Just tell me this: I know you’re 37, but is there any chance that I was your first?” And she said, “Well, you could have been — you look familiar.” I gotta love a lady like that!  

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success.” 

By Jeff Justice, CSP

“I just can’t help it — that guy really knows how to push my buttons!” I think there really are people who enjoy pushing them, but I’m suggesting that since they are your buttons, you can disconnect them! Or, reroute your wiring so button-pushing turns something on inside you, rather than turning you off!

When actor Christopher Reeves had a riding accident with his horse, he became paralyzed instantly. Lying in the hospital’s emergency room, relying on machines to breathe for him — with doctors and nurses running frantically — he looked up and saw one whacked-out doctor doing crazy things, like out of a Marx Brothers movie.

Eventually, Reeves couldn’t contain himself any longer and he started laughing. The doctor pulled off his mask — it was Robin Williams! Have you heard this story? As college roommates, they had promised that they would be there for each other if anything ever happened. And as soon as Robin heard about the accident, he knew he had to get his friend laughing again.